He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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