Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize