3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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