I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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