I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
