I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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