i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
