Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
