I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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