i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
