It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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