xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
