so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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