I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
