There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
