Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
