She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize