Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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