My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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