The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
