A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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