On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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