I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
