I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
