And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
