I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
