I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
