I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
