I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
