I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
