we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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