Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
