I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
