Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Let's get the cat blown out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
