My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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