What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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