It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
