OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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