Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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