So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
