I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
