I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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