Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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