dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
