So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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