I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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