she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
