exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
