i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
