1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
