Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
