Someone shit on the floor
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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