im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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