Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
