I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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