My hand turned me down
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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