She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize