he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
