Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
