I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
