I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
