that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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