Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize