At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
