Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
