I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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