My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
