Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
