I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
