I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
