No stitches, just platelets and will power
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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