no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
