On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
