I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
