dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
