I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
