Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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