he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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