Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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