I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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