There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize