Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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