Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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