where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
