Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
