Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
