Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize