He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
