I skipped work to stalk him.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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