Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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