Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
