they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
