I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
