your parents love me but you hate me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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