We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
