i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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