ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
