Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish i was in the wii world.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
