Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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