bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
