Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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