I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
