$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
