Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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