Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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