I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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