i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
