Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
