this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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