Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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