yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
