what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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