I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
