Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
